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"We Can't Talk Here!"
This time it was different. As it happened I was not flying out the next day, so when he asked me to stop by their plant I agreed. Entering the building I located the secretary, who called him on the intercom. He asked her to send me back. At the end of the hallway I entered a pretty large room - with bookshelves along the walls that were full to the breaking point with manuals, parts catalogs, telephone and cris-cross directories. This was the center of knowledge for the company. The room was divided using those half-metal half-glass dividers like we used to see in banks, sales bullpens, etc. My guy was sitting in the middle one. I found out later that his dad occupied the one on his left and his uncle Fred the one on the right. As I walked in (still wearing my trench coat) he stood up behind his desk. In his hand was a 3x5 card that he stuck in my face. On it he had written, "Can't talk here - I'll give you a tour - We can go out for coffee." (I still have the card) So I quickly suggested that while I had my coat on - would he give me the 50-cent tour of their place. Once outside he told me his problem. Their industry had been pounded by foreign competition for the last decade. His siblings and his cousins had been convinced ("heck, we were all convinced") that they were doomed - so all of them left but him. That was ten years ago and now the market for their products have changed. Technologies, import tariffs, all sorts of things have changed. Some that they caused to happen, some they did not. A lot of their domestic competitors had gone out of business during the bad times. They had purchased a couple of their competitors - those with valuable patents etc. Theirs was one of the top companies in the US left standing in their industry. So - what's important, to Bobby? His dad had been talking with his older brother. Seems he has not exactly hit the jackpot in the hard cruel world - and wants to come back. His uncle's son and daughter's husband have expressed an interest in the business as well. They are bringing their kids to town for the holidays and he plans to talk about the business with them. You see - being in those prehistoric cubicles allows the successor to hear his dad and his uncle talk to the folks who deserted the ship when they thought it was sinking. But who now feel they are entitled to a seat at the table. Since he, his dad, and his uncle have been 100% focused on saving the company - no one considered the result they were creating. After 10 years (out of the 15 he has worked there) the company has tripled in value. There are no documents in place that give him any credit for the effort. His dad and his uncle still own the company. They have said many times that, "someday all this will be yours" - but will it? The poor guy was worrying himself to death. He was convinced that the others were going to show up one day and either he would not be able to get along with them, or one of them would become his boss (they all had more college education that him). Or - and maybe this would be worse - he would keep working there (and worrying) - not knowing what the future would be. He was a wreck. And he wanted some sort of magic solution from me, based on his 15-minute explanation of the mess he found himself in. To me the options we clear - and the time to act was right then. And continuing to do nothing was no longer an option. First he had to find a time to talk with his dad and his uncle - in private without interruption and as soon as possible. Why sooner rather than later? Well he is the successor in residence. - They rely on him today, perhaps they actually know how important he is but are not talking about it. The others (siblings and cousins) are not there and it will take months and months for them to develop any real understanding about what's going on there. The conversation will put his dad and uncle on notice that he is aware and concerned. I did not suggest a confrontation - there would be plenty of time for that later depending on how things worked out. I just meant a clearing of the air - making it clear that he enjoyed the part he had played helping the company through the challenges of the past and was looking forward to its future growth. He was getting more and more uncomfortable not knowing their plans for the long-term ownership and management of the business. We went through several dialogues -to help him frame his concerns and understand what was really important to achieve as a result of this conversation. He was afraid he only had one shot at making his point. Here are some thoughts - strategies and important insights that Bobby (and you as his coach, advisor, or confident) might consider when wading into these difficult waters. FYI - My client during these initial episodes was Bobby. We met only the one time in person and the rest of the engagement was handled over the phone. What's Important? My first objective was for him to articulate what this situation and its various possible outcomes meant to him. Was there a single motivation - among the many things he detailed, that made him feel like he had to do something now or go crazy with worry? Yes, most assuredly. His older brother was the chip off the old block dad loved more than him. Bobby was convinced the Biblical story of the prodigal son was going to play itself out at his expense and he could not make himself turn the other cheek. He would be reduced to nothing and his ten years dragging the company from the brink would be forgotten. His brother was the one with the advanced degrees in business (who had two failed companies to his credit) and Bobby was only a community college grad whose resume included dragging the company into the 21st Century, saving the business, 185 jobs and his parents pride and retirement. He just could not deal with his brother ultimately taking credit for his hard won victories. I knew what the urgency was. Thanksgiving was coming and everybody would be there, in three weeks. And, to make matters worse, he had recently overheard a strange call between Uncle Fred and one of his (Bobby's) worthless cousins. If that jerk... Bobby was in quite a state. He felt that he had to do something - the question was, what? Uncertainty is the most devastating stress that people face. If you hold it in - it will erode you physically, emotionally and/or spiritually. This leads people to just get "fed up" one day and blurt something out in a desperate attempt to ease the pressure. These off the cuff conversations are usually emotional, often confrontational and they often lack the groundwork to be truly productive. So, while the first step for him to take was to find a time to talk - he needed some rehearsal (with me in this case) beforehand. There was a lot at stake and he knew he should not let his temper or his paranoia overcome the results he was seeking - that he believed he deserved. These are complex issues. All of the key players have more on their minds than this and they often have other issues that might have nothing to do with Bobby and/or that are related to things about Bobby that he really isn't aware of. With an issue this fraught with explosive emotions and opinions off the cuff is seldom the strategy of choice. In fact, as far as he knew - his dad and Uncle Fred were not thinking about him in the process at all. Maybe he should have insisted on a contract that spelled out the possibilities and eventualities - should something like this happen, like his wife told him to look into more than once. Talk it out. Bobby needs to frame what he is trying to achieve as being about his view of what is best for everyone concerned. He needs to seek an "everyone wins" outcome from the beginning. His dad and uncle may need to be helped to join in. Once that common platform has been established a mature, business focused negotiation can begin. And, if they come together - with good intentions and well thought out options, agreeing to talk it out until they have a deal, chances are it will be a win-win-win result. One that works for him, his dad and uncle, and the business. The rest of the people are not Bobby's responsibility, but a part of the mix that must be dealt with. So you ask, what REALLY occurred? Bobby stopped at the coffee shop where his dad and Uncle Fred always had breakfast. He began the conversation with pictures of Tre's (Robert III) summer baseball exploits. It was easy to get into his concerns about having the money for Tre and his sister's college tuition. That lead naturally to his fears about having to work with "the others" in the event some of them returned to the company and they could not get along. Both his dad and Uncle Fred were shocked. Shocked that he would think that they would not "take care of him" and assured him that while there had been talk about the others - both his dad and Uncle Fred were too bitter about the way the kids had abandoned the company when times were tough. They agreed on the spot to have a conference call with me to flesh out a range of ideas they had heard about, things other people like them were doing. It turned out that Uncle Fred had attended a trade association presentation where I had described various ways to deal with the ever present fair vs. equal dilemma faced by companies like theirs. So often we imagine the worst of others and fear the unknown outcomes. We see ourselves as unworthy. For Bobby (and the others) it was a simple matter of sitting down and talking about it. In the end the company purchased life insurance on Robert Sr. and Uncle Fred. The proceeds were to be used to buy their shares at death so the non-business heirs could receive their inheritance in cash and Bobby's would end up as the sole shareholder. That was almost 10 years ago. Bobby¥s son has a Masters Degree in business and is helping the company grow into the 4th generation. Uncle Fred passed away leaving his interest to his widow and cash for his kids. Big Bob (Bobby¥s dad) lives in Scottsdale and calls Bobby with advice once a week or so. It is a storybook ending. Because they were willing to do the difficult thing - talk about the future with the people who control it - while there was still time to make a difference. Realizing that it is about them and not me is a never ending process for me, and I have been and continue to be helped along by my dear friends at Leadership University. In writing this up I am almost embarrassed at how little I actually did. They were the ones with the problems and the motivation to deal with them - once it was clear to everyone that they needed to be addressed. I just listened and used examples from my years of experience with people like them going through situations like this. For over two decades business owners have told me " yes, but our business is different - we're unique" - but that is not the case. Having seen it all before helps me put their situation in perspective, thereby realizing that there are solutions - they just have to sort them out. With someone like me, or you, or on their own.
Wayne Messick, family business consultant and coach is certified in workplace conflict prevention and resolution. He is a Strategic Conversations professional mediator whose clients are often recommended by a sponsoring trade association. He can be reached via the Contact Us link above.
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